


Don't Tag Me

by mousapelli



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, tales of Victor's sordid past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 11:58:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13053555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mousapelli/pseuds/mousapelli
Summary: Two bingo fills of Victor/Yuuri, one where Yuuri is embarrassed about his off-season physique, and one where Victor is embarrassed about everything he did before 2015.





	1. Cameras Aren't That Nice

**Author's Note:**

> Written for SASO 2017 Tic-Tac-Toe round; prompts were "sometimes cameras aren't that nice" and "the nutcracker."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody loves Yuuri's off-season body except for Yuuri. Canon.

Between Victor and Yuri, Yuuri's life in St. Petersburg was nothing if not well-documented. Victor seemingly never got tired of taking shots of the two of them in every place he wanted to show Yuuri in the city, even though the pictures were 95% filled with their faces and thus the places themselves were basically indistinguishable from each other. Even on their couch at home, Yuuri would look up from a book when Victor threw himself on the couch with as little grace as Makkachin, half in Yuuri's lap and phone already out.

"Could you warn me?" Yuuri asked in exasperation, eyeing his startled face on Victor's screen with a frown.

"Why? Your natural reactions are so cute." Victor hummed approval and then flipped the camera and shot another one of Yuuri frowning at him.

"Victor!" Yuuri snapped. Victor laughed and dropped his phone, pushing himself up to kiss Yuuri in apology, even though they both knew he wasn't even a little bit sorry, until the origin of the situation was pushed out Yuuri's mind.

Yuri tended to document in the 3rd person, snapping shots of them from behind while shopping, or chatting together in the corner at the rink, or if he was being particularly like a teenager, coming around corners with his camera up on the off chance he'd get an embarrassing shot of them making out. It had only happened once, in their own kitchen no less, but Yuri had blown up to thousands of likes in an hour and he was always angling to repeat the attention.

So Yuuri should have been inured to the situation, especially after having lived with Phichit for all that time, but by halfway through the off season, he winced every time Victor turned the phone to show him the two of them.

They were in a cafe one afternoon, having coffee, when Yuuri reached his limit.

"Victor, can you not post that?" Yuuri asked quietly. Victor hummed, which meant he hadn't really heard; Yuuri reached to touch fingers to the back of Victor's hand. "Victor. I mean it."

Victor looked up, thumbs hovering over his phone, head tilted. "Hm? Why not? You're so—"

"Don't say cute." Yuuri was staring down at his coffee, and he knew he was blushing. "It's, you know, off season. So I'm. Like this." He flicked a glance up to see Victor staring at him in obvious confusion. "You know, chubby."

"You know I love your off season body," Victor said, using his Yuuri Be Reasonable voice.

"And that's great and all," Yuuri rushed to say, because it was, and he was glad Victor liked it because he was stuck with it forever. "But could you not document it all over the internet? I look so…" Yuuri trailed off.

"You look happy," Victor said decisively. "And everybody knows the camera adds ten pounds and it's very sexy when your cheekbones look like they could cut glass, but I'd rather have a thousand pictures of you with the sun pouring in that window sipping a hot chocolate like it's the best-tasting thing in the world. Besides me, of course."

"Victor!" Yuuri exclaimed, cheeks flaming now.

"Come on, let me post it, it's so good!" Victor slid his chair around the round table to bump shoulders with Yuuri. "Your fans always leave me cute comments about pinching your cheeks and getting a man who can do both."

"Oh my god," Yuuri muttered, but he let Victor coax his head down onto Victor's shoulder and held out his phone for another selfie. Sighing in defeat, Yuuri pushed Victor's arm up so the angle was from above. "Neck flab."

"Ah, yes, quite right," Victor murmured, snapping the shot and pulling it in to examine it. "Ah, no, wait, you can see my thinning spot—"

"IT'S FINE," Yuuri sang, snatching Victor's phone out of his hand and hitting post in revenge for this whole thing, laughing when Victor slumped against the table in depressed mode.


	2. the Nutcracker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god I'm so sorry as soon as I saw these prompts this was all I could think about.

It had SEEMED like a good idea to invite Christophe and Phichit over to their new apartment for a dinner party along with the other skaters at the rink, to have them stay the long weekend since they all had time in the off season, but Victor was starting to think this might not have been his most ingenious idea.

"Stop, stop," Yuuri was giggling breathlessly, cheeks bright pink, as Christophe finished the story about the time that Victor had bet the Russian Ladies' gold medalist that he could skate her routine better than she could. "I'm going to die."

They were all a little drunk, but not nearly drunk enough that Victor dared hope Yuri wouldn't remember any of this the next day while Christophe told them of all salacious deeds of Victor's misspent youth.

"Did he win?" Phichit asked, hanging on every word.

"Well, he must have done something better than her," Christophe leaned in even closer, "because the next day her boyfriend had to do the walk of shame out of HIS hotel room!"

"NO!" Phichit gasped, delighted.

"Victor!" Yuuri collapsed onto his arms, face-down, shoulders shaking.

"It was more like the limp of shame, really," Christophe finished with a relish. Victor slumped back in his chair, whining.

"It's all in my past!" he exclaimed. "I'm a one-man man now! Don't listen to him, Yuuri!"

"I knew you had a reputation, but oh man." Phichit elbowed Yuuri. "This one kept trying to defend your honor!" He mimicked Yuuri's voice and wide eyes. "Victor's not like that!"

"Don't tell him that!" Yuuri protested, slapping at Phichit.

"You didn't know? Wow," Christophe laughed. "He had quite the reputation, and no shortage of people curious to know if the rumors were true about how much better his stamina in the bedroom was than his stamina on the ice. He had a nickname on the circuit. Do you know it?"

"NOOOO," Victor wailed. "You promised! Chris, no!"

"Chris, yes!!" Phichit exclaimed, lit up like it was Christmas morning. Yuuri was nearly insensible laughing, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes as he tried to stop long enough to listen.

"They called him," Christophe lowered his voice dramatically, "the Nutcracker."

Between Victor's wailing, Yuuri's howls of laughter, and Phichit's incoherent screaming, Otabek looked over in concern, but Mila and Yuri both told him not to even worry about it without looking over.


End file.
